Why am i attracted to unavailable guys
The psychology of wanting unavailable people
One of the more painful scenarios that limerents have to deal with is when their limerence avatar is &#;unavailable people&#;.
I&#;ve written before about the challenges of unavailable LOs. It&#;s a psychologically rich topic, and I recently came across this video from the School of Life that has a rather caustic view of the subject:
There&#;s a lot of appealing stuff here, and anyone who is beginning to practice purposeful living is well advised to analyse their own behaviour and see if they are, at some level, deliberately self-sabotaging to avoid the harrowing vulnerability of an authentic relationship.
However, I would add a couple of counterpoints to this perspective &#; specific to limerents and the psychology of infatuation.
1. The barrier may cause the limerence
Barriers and uncertainty are potent amplifiers of limerence. It might be the case that your limerence avatar really is &#;unavailable people&#; because of abandonment fears or desire for the familiar security of a fantasy relationship, but it could also
Do you find that you are mostly (or only!) drawn to emotionally unavailable men who can’t give you the commitment you want? Maybe you feel frustrated by this, you want to find love… and yet, you can’t summon even a flicker of attraction for the guys who are available and look really interested in you.
Maybe you think the heart wants what it wants… and you can’t help who you are drawn to. Maybe you’re aware that you only seem attracted to emotionally unavailable men but you don’t know why or how to fix it.
Well, you’ve landed in the right place. I’m going to explain exactly why you’re drawn to emotionally occupied men and how to ruin the pattern. Buckle up, we’re going deep with this one!
First, let’s look at why&#;
1. It’s a distraction.
There is no greater way to hide from yourself than in someone else’s problems.
And emotionally unavailable men usually have a lot of them! They are unavailable for a reason, or many. It could be a divorce, the death of a loved one, a traumatic breakup, or childhood. Or maybe he just doesn’t yearn to commit to anyone until
6 Signs of Emotionally Unavailable Men
One significant factor is past trauma or abuse.
Individuals who’ve experienced traumatic events or abusive relationships may develop emotional unavailability as a type of defense mechanism. They may learn to disconnect from their emotions and avoid vulnerability in order to protect themselves from further passionate pain.
Fear of being hurt, rejected, or engulfed by the intensity of emotional connection can conduct them to maintain emotional distance from others.
Past trauma can verb to the development of an insecure attachment style. Attachment styles, which develop in early childhood through interactions with caregivers, shape how we relate to others emotionally. Those with an insecure attachment style may struggle with emotional intimacy and tend to keep others at a distance.
2. External Conditioning
Emotionally unavailable men may have had inadequate emotional role models during childhood. Growing up in an environment where adj expression and connection were not modeled or valued can limit a person’s ability to eng
Most women don’t seek out or sustain interest in unavailable men, but more women do than would like to admit. I actually saw this behavior so frequently in my private exercise that I decided to compose a book about it, which is called Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome. In a moment, I’ll tell you what’s going on in the minds of these women who seek out—and often stay with—men who will never truly emotionally commit. In my book, I use the term "emotional chasing" because that's exactly what it is: a chase.
What it's like to fall for an emotionally unavailable man
Women who are attracted to this type of man find themselves in relationships with men who ultimately won’t commit or settle down, are already married or in another relationship, or are unfaithful in a supposedly monogamous relationship.
Women who fall for unavailable men usually feel that they are more committed to the relationship than the men are. These women usually feel that the men have all the control and control in the relationship. Women in relationships with occupied men feel that they include to work hard